My mom's been ignoring me. Since i snapped at her yesterday. It was annoying, playing a tough game & first having my mom bring a box of fruits to me. Said i'll eat later, had retainers on. Then my dad came with something asking me to eat. Finally my mom came with a papaya telling me to eat, that was when i snapped.

It doesn't change much anyway, just that there's no conversation or smiles. I can live with that. She gave me this treatment when i was in primary school, 3 full days of it, over some results.

It doesn't change much, because i love my family by birth, not by choice. I wonder if you can even call that love. It's in the genes, years of conditioning.

Anyway, the tan on my forearm's peeling. In patches, not a nice sight. The skin below is pretty fair though, i don't like it.

To say remember to keep in touch, friends forever, i'll never forget you. Those words don't mean much to me. You said one of such to me, i'll need to brush it off. Because you forget, until there is a reminder. I'm not there, until light illuminates me.

You have enough friends to leave me in the dust. That's why i won't reach for you. Because if i meant something, you'd reach for me. And i'd respond similarly.

Too bad you know. For me. For you.

But i've always lived this way. Ever since i reached out to people & the amount of attention for their friends rips my arm off.

That is why,

"it is painful to be human"
- Sumeragi Kururu

To be myself is the advice people always give. It is the rubbish i always hear. No offense my dear friend, i still love you.

There is no act. How i behave is a compound of my beliefs, thoughts, environment & influences.

Even in a situation, i act nice & polite when i'm really dying to mash his eyeball with a pen. I'm being myself.

The factors for my behaviour just has it that under those circumstances, i naturally behave that way. After all, do you say a zebra is not being itself when it sprints from a lion in pursuit?