I've decided.

From advice yesterday, i thought of a plan. After all, my way of living had seemingly crumbled.

I'd always drawn similarities between communism & my way of living. Not socialism, it's just different from your average life.

Anyway, yesterday was easily one of the top 5 worst days in my life. I'll let you in on some parts of that 'plan'. While the fact remains that i'd need someone to stand by me, the bridges strong enough now to support the load lead to unsuitable people.

So to find that someone, i'll need to be sociable. Somewhat. In order to accomplish that, i thought, i'll need to relearn everything about life since kindergarten. That more sociable path is unknown to me, i'd probably need to pick up that 'more sociable' life from someone. Again, none of my bridges lead to such people.

As you can see, that's where i 'checkmated' myself.

Those thoughts of not knowing what to do are horrid. It's probably what a baby would feel if he or she were born with the mind of a 12 year old & abandoned.

More thoughts over the issue today opened a new route to me. I wouldn't have to end like the historic economic system of a counterpart did.

Frequent talks with her have built up ties with her. With those come dependencies. I'd grown fat & impotent such that i can't stand up to that inner demon on myself?

Reaffirm your beliefs & swear upon your soul.

So no 'reformat' of my behavior model was required after all. I'd just do my best to integrate sociability
into my current model. But the main aim would be gaining strength to do the fight myself.

Bankai.

I wonder how many people act the way they are because inside, they really are that way. I behave the way i do at times, because society expects that of me. A trait of a sociopath. Whether i'm one or not, i don't care.

I, at times, am true to the world, but untrue to myself. Just for your acceptance.
What about you?

If possible, i'd like to keep that psychotic smile Grimmjow has. But that'll require effort.

Shooter was a great movie.

Justice is only what those with power want it to be.